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More Help, Not Spam ! Empty More Help, Not Spam !

Post by Xylo,TheCarouselPony on Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:07 am

Jessy wrote:
   Not sure why I joined, I guess I'm just tired of bearing the burden of being trans alone. I don't have anyone who understands and I'm in pain. Lots of pain.
   I hate my life. I hate it, and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost and tired. Depressed. Nobody understands me.
   I'm sure (some) of you here do. Help me before I self implode. Life is looking super dark right now.

   Jessy wrote:
   Been in transition 13 years. Still a freaking pre-op.
   Haven't had hormones in years.
   I'm lonely as hell.
   I'm a mess, and I am tired of breathing.

Ponytails wrote :
Welcome, Jessy. The following text is a little heavy for an introduction thread, but I hope that it is something that you can meditate on and have it become a word of encouragement to you. It is quoted from a book by Kate Bornstein ( a transgender person themselves ) and is edited for brevity and core concept by myself. ( italics mine )

" Have you ever tried to make your body more congruent with what you've always felt yourself to be ? Every culture and subculture has its own rules for what's a real man or what's a real woman, and for what's real desire . . . . All I'm saying is we have a lot of work to do in order to define for ourselves what qualifies as real. We must find out which rules we've been breaking our spirits over trying to obey, and choose new rules that are self-loving. Blind, unconscious obedience to this culture's dream of a good-or-bad system of [unrecognized] desire is killing a lot of us, and that's no way or reason to die. It's the discovery of our individual desires beyond the good-or-bad that makes a decent quality of life conceivable. Rather than killing ourselves, we could learn to kill off those parts of ourselves that are harmful. "

" Each one of us constructs various identities and personalities that we use in order to navigate our desires. Sometimes we don't do a very good job of it, and the identity we choose for ourselves---or the one that's been forced on us---just doesn't work, or hurts other people. Such an identity needs to go so that we can continue out journey through the nature of our [legitimate] desire. The next time you just wanna die, kill off the part of you that got you into trouble instead, and go on living as a whole new person. This is called the art of selective serial suicide."

" It's how I try to consciously pick out all the stuff I don't like about myself, and mark it for execution. It's the me who's mean, inconsiderate, greedy, and selfish. Those are the parts of me I wanna kill off, and I've been doing that consciously for nearly two decades. I've been killing off the parts of myself that need to die, and making lots of room for all the parts of me that are beautiful, and kind, and life affirming. Do you do this already ? Over the years I've learned that the urge to kill myself isn't bad or wicked. It's scary, but it's just a signpost. It takes a long time to hone yourself down to the you that you've always believed you could be. For me, getting to the point of becoming what I'm attracted to has meant over fifty years of savage [mental] self-butchery."

" The next time you think you'd be better off dead than alive, please first look carefully to find the part of you that needs to die so that you can go on living. Ask yourself: Is there some identity you've constructed for yourself that keeps leading you into living a life that's not worth living ? Are you acting out an identity that's been attracting the wrong sort of person into your life ? Are you walking around in an identity that's gotten you completely off the path of your desire [ to transition to your correct gender ] and onto someone else's path of desire ? "

" If that's what's going on and it's enough to make you think about killing yourself, then build yourself a better identity, one that can be safer and free and enable you to have more fun. And if the you that needs to go refuses to die [mentally], then call in whatever version of the [plague that] appeals to you and kill the motherf***er. Then, wake up fresh as a daisy in the morning, ready for a life of conscious love. "

Taken from the book, " Hello, Cruel World, 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks & Other
Outlaws " by Kate Bornstein, Pages 74-77.

I wish you well !!!

Everything that I have learned about life, came from reading My Little Pony manga and comic books, and watching My Little Pony anime and cartoons.
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More Help, Not Spam ! Empty The Halloween Factor

Post by MyLittleCarouselPony on Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:09 pm

Kris said---
" Once someone sees you as male, it takes a fair bit for them to un-see that, but perhaps if I showed up to work in a dress and did my hair a little nicer, that would be a more obvious clue  about where I'm heading."

Ponytails reply---
One advantage that is coming up soon that could be in your favor is the fact that at the end of October is Halloween. As the weeks and days grind down to the Big Fun Day, it seems to me that everyday people, who any other time of the year would be shocked and distressed towards you, suddenly become accepting and encouraging to transgender ones who would dress as their correct gender out in public. Transgender people who are coming out of the closet to dress as their correct gender are, after all, only doing what is considered normal, but cis-people take it as part of the fun and enjoyment of the Halloween season, with no big deal. In deed, the first time that I wore a woman's shirt and skirt to my then place of employment, it was a few days before Halloween. I wore a black long-sleeve shirt, a black mini-skirt, black tights, and black Mary Janes, together with black cat ears and a black cat tail peaking out from underneath the mini-skirt. Most everybody was O.K. with me, and that because I would say, " It's Halloween, what do you
expect ? " . After Halloween pasted, I quietly began wearing a black denim short skirt, a nice blouse, nude pantyhose, and black Mary Janes. I had surprisingly few people even take note of my new fashion style, let along saying anything detrimental about me to my face.

" It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to;
You would cry, too, if it happened to you ! "

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